Sometimes I find myself waiting for "magic moments." I know what I believe about God, who He is, what He has done in Creation, what He has done for me, His love, His power, His holiness and majesty . . . Then I realize how timid I can be in talking about Him, or how I talk to others about Him like He's not in the room, or how I talk about Him to others so differently than I do about other people or facts I am confident of.
Sometimes I look at my selfish choices, or the times I don't say something about Him out of fear of another's lack of receiving it, or at the lack of priority things eternal have in my life, or at how matter of fact I am about most things and then how vague and "soft" I am about Him and things of Him, etc., and I long for a "magic moment" when who He is, and how vast and incredible and awe-inspiring He is, and the reality of Heaven and Hell, and the awareness of His love for me and my adoption by Him, break out of my head and explode in my heart and bring my life into alignment with what I believe.
And I wait.
And I wait.
And I wait.
"If what I believe in my head just ruled my heart I would live so differently . . ." I say to myself, and to Mary Ann, way too often. And I continue in my path, maybe now and then making a slight course correction, waiting for the "magic moment."
Recently, however, I am more and more looking at how in the Bible God so often does His work AFTER faith is applied, and not before. He throws out a command or a promise or a "suggestion" and then waits, and after it is received and acted on in faith He then meets it. I am realizing more and more that I must operate from faith, from what I know is true in my head, and then, as I do that more and more, the knowledge will move from my head to my heart. If I wait for the "feeling" to act, or speak, a certain way it may never come, or it may come only for brief moments in worship or something, and I will be basing my life on feelings and not faith.
I started the other day listing multiple reasons I "should" follow God with all of my heart, regardless of how I feel (whether His reality is overwhelming me, or if He feels like a distant theology). I found the list really amazing as it started to develop. I am thinking that in the coming weeks I'll post some of them. Of course, I should live this way, loving and following Him with all of my heart simply because He is God alone and He is worthy, but I did find the list eye opening and I think it might be valuable to some.
And, totally unrelated, tonight we are teaching our girls for homeschool about pioneer cooking and trying out a Dutch Oven for the first time. Maybe I'll post some pictures about it in the next few days since this blog is, after all, not just my "God thoughts" but slices of my life as well . . . and the reality is, He is part of every part of my life, whether I "feel" it or not.