sINsight

I am about half way through the non-fiction book The Big Story by Justin Buzzard. So far I am blessed by it and its reminder that, despite the sometimes overwhelming immediacy of stuff in our life, we are part of a story far bigger than us, that begins with God, and gives us meaning and purpose and hope and context for our life and the world around us. I have found that it is so easy to get lost in the daily grind that we forget the majesty and calling and breathtaking scope of the big picture we are a part of, and the incredible direction and perspective it gives us when facing the situations in front of us.

As I often do when beginning a non-fiction Christian book I try and learn more about the author and what they believe, etc., and in so doing I found a couple of blog posts by Justin that have also blessed me. The one about pastors I posted a link to yesterday, and there was also one called Sin, Not Sins that I found helping me with a subtle, but very powerful perspective shift. I'll summarize it here, along with some other thoughts on sin that have been helping me a lot. Some are from Justin's blog or book, others are thoughts I've had and things I've seen in God's Word that his book has helped me see more clearly.

In his blog post Justin points out how we often can think of our sins in that way, as sins—plural. Doing so can diminish the issue and encourage us to be "self-sufficient" (my words) in battling them. For example, if I see my problem as ______ and _______ and _______ (fill in your sins, or issues) then the temptation is to look to self effort, self improvement, and more willpower to solve them. "If I try harder at this" or "If I do that" or ??? Rather, he says, think of our problem not as sins (plural) but as Sin (singular) and suddenly we see that while the manifestation of Sin may take many forms, the real problem is Sin itself. I can "beat" this issue or that by trying hard enough, but Sin will still rise its ugly head in some other area or temptation or struggle.

When I realize my problem is not sins (individual issues) but Sin, then I realize the true depth and scope of this problem I face, and am immediately brought to the realization that God alone can help me. Helping others realize this as well will help them understand every man's need for God. I found this shift in seeing things he wrote about in his blog post match well with something he mentioned in the book, and that basically Adam and Eve's bite was a small bite, but it was about big rebellion. I thought, "How many times we fall into that trap and self justify ourselves by saying this or that sin is small, or not as bad as others, etc. when the real issue is not that sin choice, but the rebellion that made us make it." Suddenly, when we face it that way, we can't hide behind weighing our sins on some scale, but we are struck square in the face with realizing that rebellion is the root of our problems and it is huge for us all. Again, a tiny shift in thought can explode a new revelation or way of seeing things. We might say, "What's the big deal about biting a piece of fruit (or, add your own choices in here instead)?" That's not the big deal. The big deal is rebelling against God and deciding we can find our own pleasure, provision, and wisdom apart from God and His ways and Word. I know I've written about that a lot over the last few years, but it struck home in a fresh way through Justin's ways of wording it.

Another point that Justin made in his book that really struck me as true to life is how Satan causes us to focus on the few prohibitions in a sea of permissions. In a midst of a garden filled with blessings and permission stood one prohibition, and yet that is what Satan drew their attention to. How often I find in my own life and in the lives of people I work with that our eyes go to what we can't do, can't have, etc., and are drawn from the joyous reality of all we have and are in Christ. Then, when we "taste" of Satan's fruit (whatever we choose to pursue in rebellion and in the arrogance of thinking we can do it better our way than God's), we find the lemon isn't so sweet and we wonder why our life, our relationships, etc. have blown up and left collateral damage all around us. Surprise! Satan hates us, and Jesus has warned us Satan comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.

Satan is the father of lies. I understand that. I spent many hours lying yesterday. I was a blatant, misrepresenting liar. I went fishing with a friend in our fellowship and spent hours trying to disguise this death bringing hook of entrapment in a way the fish would think it was the real deal and good food so they'd bite the disguise and find themselves embedded on the hook and soon on my plate. Fortunately for the fish I am not a good liar and I didn't catch any, but Satan is far better. As long as we continue to address individual sins and neglect the much larger umbrella issue of Sin and Rebellion that lie at the heart of them all, we will forever struggle in futility and a roller coaster life as we think we can be smarter than both Satan and God, by simply trying more and trying harder and being wiser. The fish in Lake San Antonio are safe for another day, but we won't be with that attitude.

Robbed, or Given Away?

Today was the 10th anniversary of my first Sunday as a pastor. When I realized that last week I got really excited about spending this morning sharing with my fellowship the things I have learned in that time. Then, last night (Saturday), two things hit at once.

First, I hit eleven typed pages of things and realized I had hardly begun to capture the different things God has taught me in that time, which caused me to start to doubt the whole message idea, and feel suddenly overwhelmed at realizing that what I had intended for this morning wasn’t going to work. Second, some things happened in my personal life which, for some reason, hit me hard and in a vulnerable place and I found it difficult to pull out of it.

It is almost shocking to me how quickly I hit a place where I found the heavy situation of my heart standing as a mockery of all I had written about the strength and worship and joy, etc. which I had “supposedly” learned. I, in deep pain in my heart, cast to the side all I had written and in amazing speed was saying to myself, “Who are you kidding? You want to seem like some mature, sagely, aged pastor imparting years of wisdom when you are really so weak and shallow.” I became acutely aware of both the pride, and the insecurity, at work in me. It is amazing how those seemingly contradictory things can both work in you at the same time!

As I shared with some people, it was like I was surrounded by a black storm cloud that, thirty minutes before, hadn’t even been on the horizon! As a result I shared none of what I had written down about things God has shown me.

Here is the thing, though, and that which we must be acutely aware of. The devil, just as when he tempted Jesus, wraps just enough truth around his lies to get you to swallow the whole thing. Yes, some pride had slipped in. And, yes, there was some insecurity in wanting to be seen as wise and mature. But, I let those truths cause me to swallow the whole lie which said I had nothing to offer. I let the reality that I still struggle invalidate the fact that while I have a long way to go, I have also come a long way and learned a lot. I have, in these last ten years, gained a great amount of what I call “seasoning”—the depth of experience that accompanies the knowledge in the head about God, and has not only believed something to be true, but has also experienced its truth.

I have, through countless conversations and counseling sessions, involvements in people’s lives, funerals, watching lives and marriages both blossom and self-destruct, disappointments, hurts, heart wrenching fire calls, personal tests, etc., gained a depth of faith that is tremendously deeper than that which I had ten years ago when most of my faith was based more on Bible verses than the experience of living in faith based on those verses and seeing God back up His Word.

Did the devil rob me last night and this morning, or did I gift wrap it and give it to him? I’m not sure. But I do know that whatever happened he got one in. I tasted the truth coating and swallowed the whole poisoned pill. It is a tactic he has used time and again—since the Garden, in fact—and one we all need to be aware of and on guard against. And, it is usually true, that when he robs one person, he robs many more at the same time.