Rude, or a Life Preserver?

On the recent trip to San Diego I wrote about in my last post we were blessed by a couple getting us a hotel room there with some travel points they had. It made it so wonderful to be able to stay in a place with a pool and not have to rush 2–3 hours back to Los Angeles late at night after the reception. While at the hotel that night we had a special time with the girls going into the pool and whirlpool late at night (for us). While near the pool there were a few guys sitting around, one of whom was smoking a cigar and the smell was hard to escape. Then, when we got to our room, we found the smoke from the cigar rising and floating in our open door and we had to close it instead of leaving it open.

I found myself a little irritated, and judging the man. Then, the next morning, we found out there was an AA convention at the hotel, and I had the thought . . . what if that man had lost his family and maybe everything to an alcohol addiction and he was at the convention, turning his life around, and smoking a cigar was his only way to combat the urge to drink? What if that cigar was the price to pay to see a man's life restored, a father and husband brought back, and a life turned around?

Now, I realize there are ways that are simply courtesy, and I am not saying that nothing is right or wrong, but after having that thought (which I don't know if it was even remotely true or not) I thought . . . if that was the case I would sure find my heart toward that man different.

We never really know what is someone's story, someone's past, or someone's reason. How often I've assumed something or thought something only to find it had no basis in truth. The Bible makes it clear how careful we must be not to judge others. We can be discerning, but judgment is another thing. God knows the heart. We don't.

I have met many Christians who were "rough around the edges" and didn't "behave" quite "properly" in church. And I've met many Christians whose noses go up at that. But, I wonder, if in many cases we could see how far the "rough" Christian has come in their walk based on where they were when they came to the Lord, and how far the judgmental ones have matured from where they came to the Lord, we just might find that the "rough" ones have come a lot farther than the "proper" ones in their walk.

I've always said our fellowship is a workshop, not a museum. If we can't, as Christians, find (and offer) a place for all people to grow in the love of Christ then we have missed what it is all about. I am reminded of when Chuck Smith reportedly threatened to rip out the carpet of his church building because elders were concerned about the "rough" ones off the beach tracking in stuff and ruining it. May we never care more about "carpet" than people.

Walking in Another's Shoes

It is so easy to be judgmental of others (though we can make it look OK and call it "discernment" or simply "noting an area in another to pray for"). We can look at how someone acts, responds, reacts, lives, the choices they make, etc. (whether in life, in church, or wherever), and make our judgments and assessments. At times I'll see such snobbery in Christians as they look at someone "less polished" and "less proper" and maybe "not as refined" and I may have some real (but confidential) insight into the judged person's life and want to say, "If you knew how far they've come from where they started you'd realize that they've probably grown a lot more as a Christian than YOU have!" . . . but, then I'm starting to judge and let roots grow in me that aren't Godly, either.There is absolutely a Biblical place and call for discernment, etc. I am not writing against Godly, Spirit-led insight or leading. There is also a Biblical call to live holy and consequences for poor choices. But, what I am talking about is judging someone for how they react or respond to things, having never been in their shoes. (Again, some things are just plain wrong. I am not talking about calling them OK just because of someone's past. I am talking about our heart toward the person.)

Recently I had an experience that really rattled me and in gave me an insight I never would have had without it. I was at a function and someone asked me how I was feeling. I was a little confused because, as far as I knew, I was feeling fine and had been. When I expressed my confusing the person insisted they'd called me the day before and I said I was fighting a bad cold. I thought they were joking at first, but they were dead serious that they had called and talked to me in person and that I said I was really sick.

After I realized they were serious I got this sickening pit in my stomach. There were, it seemed, only two possibilities. Either I had absolutely zero recollection of something the day before—something in which I hadn't even spoken truth . . . or this person had really a major problem and they are a wonderful friend and I didn't know what I would tell the person's wife. The thought that I might have done and said something the day before that I didn't have the slightest remembrance of was really, really scary.

Suddenly I believe the Holy Spirit gave me a nudge and I thought to ask if he'd called from his cell phone. He had and we went back through his calls and he'd called a friend with the same first name when he'd seen it pop up in his cell phone directory. The friends voice was so bad he couldn't tell it wasn't me. The problem was solved . . . but I gained an insight into how people must feel who realize they don't remember things they've said and done, and I will, hopefully, never talk or work with or judge those people the same way again.

Another time we had a medical crisis and no health care and I needed to apply for help to get a family member some treatment. The process of sitting in front of some twenty year old and having to tell her almost every detail of our personal life as she nonchalantly entered it in to some computer which would spit out a decision on whether or not we could get help was so humiliating I left there filled with anger. Mary Ann suggested to me that God could use this and I realized she was right and we prayed and it completely changed how I'll counsel someone in the same situation. I used to be matter of fact telling about aid that is available, and now I do so with great compassion, knowing what the person has ahead and how hard it is to hold your dignity through it.

The wonderful thing is, on the other side, if we are the one judged by people who have no sense of what it is like to be in our shoes, is that Jesus understands it all and we don't have to spend hours trying to "catch Him up" on what we've been through—He's been through it all with us, and He's tasted it Himself. Hebrews tells us, in Hebrews 4:15, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." In John 4:6 it records, "Jacob's well was there; so Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well. It was about the sixth hour." and, in Luke 19:41 it says of Jesus, "And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it." 

Tempted. Weary. Weeping. He understands. He is your best friend if you've put your life in His hands. He understands you when nobody else does. He's been there. This doesn't mean that no matter what you choose to do He's OK with it. But it does mean that He knows your fears, your pain, your past, and He loves you and is prepared to stand with you and beside you into the future even when nobody else believes in you or is ready to go the mile with you. What a beautiful truth!

Museum, or Workshop?

The fellowship I pastor is far from perfect. Beginning with me, we are all works in progress in our Christian life. While eternally completely forgiven, bearing Christ’s righteousness, and sealed in the adoption of the Holy Spirit, in the daily realm of life we all have struggles and victories, strengths and weaknesses, good days and bad days. We have days we (and I) love and bless one another, and days we (and I) let each other down and even wound one another. I would venture to say that any honest pastor would say the same thing about themselves and their fellowship.

The question is, I think, are we OK with that? I don’t mean that we are happy about those things in our life and passive about trying to grow closer to His image—I mean, are we OK realizing that we aren’t there yet, and nor are those around us? I think the minute that we aren’t we start being condemning, unforgiving, judgmental, and divisive, and a poison creeps into the body that is supposed to be united in love as one. (This isn’t about not being the iron that sharpens iron in another’s life, or not humbly holding one another accountable—it is about the attitude we carry in that.)

I have told our fellowship many times that we are a workshop, and not a museum. If they want perfect people, and people that always live up to their expectations, then they are in the wrong place. We are a collection of many people, from many different backgrounds and church experiences (or no church experience at all). Each has their own expectations and hopes and needs . . . and baggage. Isn’t that logical?

I think that if Christians aren’t careful we can become the older brother in the prodigal story, or the Jews struggling to receive Gentiles. We can start to look at how long we’ve walked with Jesus, and how “mature” we’ve become, or how “proper” we act in church, or how much “we” serve, or how “clean” our mouth is, or . . . and then we can look at another, who maybe isn’t as “polished,” and find judgement (or a condescending spirit) enter our heart.

We have to be so careful to love one another, to guard our hearts, to forgive quickly, to serve gratefully, to examine our log more than we focus on their speck, and to recognize that the person we are elevating ourself above may have come to Christ from a far more broken place then we did, and have actually traveled much farther in their Christian journey toward maturity then we have!

How many times churches are divided (literally, or in spirit though they remain “together”) by bitter roots of judgment, unforgiveness, self-focus, self-seeking, etc. Even when there are legitimate offenses to us—how many times have we offended or wounded others (or God) and been so grateful for grace and mercy!

In Acts 10:15 the Lord said to Peter, in this case about Gentiles, "What God has made clean, do not call common." When we speak ill of one of God’s children, or we judge them, or we fail to forgive them, or we hold something against them, or we withhold what He would have us give them, or we seek our own over them, we are doing it unto His own, and we are saying that they, who are good enough for God and loved by God and declared acceptable and clean by God, are not good enough, or clean enough, for us to love and forgive and serve . . . and that is a scary place to find your heart!

We shouldn’t wonder if the world rejects Jesus if they see in those who claim to bear His image nothing different from the world they live in. Workshop, or museum? It is a question to ask. What are we truly OK with?