I had to laugh.
Last Monday I posted the entry "Carrying the Presence of God" from a coffee shop in Monterey. I ended it with, "God has chosen not a building, not an organization, but YOU (if you have given your life in faith to Him for Lordship and Salvation) as His chosen vessel to carry His presence in and through the world . . . to show and represent Him to those around you . . . in all of His love and compassion and power! It is an awesome thought, and an awesome privilege. Just thought I'd share that with you---I hope it speaks to you like it did to me." Probably not 10 minutes after I finished posting that---feeling good about it (and about the coffee) I closed up my laptop and headed out the back door to the parking lot. There, right in my path, was an older man pushing a shopping cart, alone, with an oxygen bottle in his shopping cart and oxygen tubing in his nose. Right in front of me. No missing it. No pretending I didn't see it.
I walked past.
I don't like to admit that, but I find the theology of representing a kind, loving, healing Jesus far easier than the reality. The farther I got from him the more unsettled I got, and the angrier at myself and my fears.
It is amazing how much you can think about in a relatively few short steps. I found myself rehashing my own words which I had sent to some people telling them about my blog in which I said that I hoped this blog would be, "... a place where we can meditate, grow together, and that draws us in to deeper thought, growth, and, ultimately, a deeper relationship with God and a stronger walk and brighter light. I am not interested in knowledge for knowledge's sake, but in growing as His child and disciple and friend and ambassador."
Well, I laughed at myself. You can type about wanting to walk it out . . . but what do you do when it is right in front of you? Oh, how much easier it is to type!
Well, I got half way across the parking lot and realized I would be a hypocrite to not turn back. So I went back and told the man that I felt God had wanted me to come back and let him know I would be praying for him and that I had passed him and felt, "That's not right! That's not God's heart." and I came back. He was caught off guard, but I did get a thumbs up from him and a thanks.
I left feeling like I should have just asked if I could pray for him right then and there, but glad I had at least done what I had done. It was a step in the right direction. The more I thought of the whole thing, the more I chuckled. As I was writing grand words God was setting up an encounter that would test those grand words to see if they were just that, words, or if they were really my heart. Thank you, Father, that you love me so much that you will continue to draw me out of the comfortable zone where I depend on myself, and in to that awesome walk of faith where I completely depend on You as I seek to draw closer to you and represent and carry Your presence in to the world!